I was climbing in Yosemite last summer and I was able to study the subject of fear in quite some detail. My laboratory - the rock wall.
Fear appeared to be holding me back and I wondered how fear held us all back in different aspects of our lives. These were the questions that came up for me:
* What is our fear about? Does it look after us or limit us?
* What is fear telling us and how do we manage this?
* What is the difference between fears relating to physical harm and fears associated with the ego - fear of failure, rejection, looking stupid
This is how fear showed up for me.
I wasn’t sleeping well. I was tossing and turning at night needing to calm my mind and emotions; I had constant butterflies in my stomach.
I was much more quiet than usual and felt surprisingly insecure; my conversations were short, shallow and unconfident, my attention was inwards and I lost my sense of humor.
On the rock, my energy dissipated quickly; mouth became parched; heart was pounding, legs trembled (known as the sowing machine) and my internal dialogue was full of expletives.
Not a good place to come from when you need to perform. So what did I learn about fear. These are my unscientific reflections from the rock while tied into a rusty piton hundreds of meters above the ground.
1. Fear is telling me that I am out of my depth and that I need to build up my confidence bit by bit through practice; practice, practice, practice makes me familiar and comfortable.
2. If I am feeling fearful, I need to make myself safe. I need to know that I am not going to fall very far. When I feel safe, my fear goes away practically immediately.
3. Fear of falling and fear of failing are both very real. To me, it is a question of whether the the fear is proportionate or not in terms of serving or not serving. At the extreme, it is possible to live in fear constantly when there is nothing to be fearful about.
4. In terms of managing fear, several things had an immediate impact. Focus on breathing (using the body to calm the mind); pause, take stock, head up (shift from constricting to expanding outwards); turn around and come down (always give yourself permission to say no and stop); one thought surprised me, to remember that I am not alone, there is someone looking out for my safety; someone who has my back.
Last reflection. Fear lets me know that there is learning here; move through this and riches lie on the other side.
Next week I am going to write about the fears of starting a new business. For me, this appears to be much more frightening than hanging off any rock wall. What am I fearful about? What is the fear telling me in this instance?
