How often have you sat down to dinner for 60 and still manage to have a great conversation? I did last weekend.
Driven by curiosity, I asked the person next to me “what one thing would you commit to doing next week that you have been putting off forever?”
She answered “cleaning the windows”. Now, I have to be honest. I was hoping for something a little more spiritual but then again cleaning windows can be quite zen.
I said that I had four challenging calls to make and we both committed to emailing each other on Friday with one word - done.
We all know this one - the things we put off, the places we don’t go, the conversations we avoid. And for reasons, we know even better - fear of looking stupid, rejection, being told no, not being like.
None of this would matter very much if it wasn’t for the fact that these things we put off are often the openings to extraordinary new worlds - unimaginable ones.
So I’d like to share a powerful insight that came up in a coaching session the other day that might help you in similar situations.
A client was wanting to have more conversations with people about her business but was being held back by the fear of rejection. With a hint of irreverence, I asked her “what if you were to value that which you feared?” How would it be to value rejection? So rather than seeing rejection as a failure, to see it as a measure of success.
This wasn’t just playing mind games. She went on to say that there were plenty of ways to see rejection as success. It said that she was facing her fears, being bold, exploring, being curious, not taking herself so seriously.
But an important moment came when she realized that what she was calling rejection was in fact nothing more than a legitimate decline. It was not about her, but about her offer. She now sees these calls as a way of learning about her offer. She now values declines.
So my question to you is this - “what if you were to value that which you fear?”. How might this help you with those challenging moments that you are putting off?
Something Practical
Let’s make something happen for you now. Something that would otherwise drag on and on and on forever. Let’s do it this week, even today.
1. identify something that you’ve been wanting to do - something that you have been putting off.
2. what is it that is stopping you from doing this thing? See if you can get close to the emotion (i.e. I am scared, don’t want to feel humiliated, fear of not being liked)
3. Now how can you value this fear. Take for example “not being liked”. It sounds rather odd to value “not being liked”. But perhaps going through life needing to be liked by everyone is exhausting, is false, is comprising your beliefs. Perhaps, in fact, “not being liked” makes a positive statement that you stand for something.
4.Now move to action
By identifying the value behind that which you fear, you will come from a different place. And what once stopped you from taking certain actions will now inspire you instead.
Something New
I am going to offer 2 x 1-hour coaching sessions (value £500) to someone that commits to doing something next week; something they have been putting off forever.
Simply email me three things:
1. describe what it was that you were putting off
2. what are you now valuing that you once feared
3. put done in the message box
Just like I did yesterday to my weekend dinner companion.
