There appears to be a modicum of doubt and skepticism around change. “Can I honestly change who I am and how I do things?”, “Can someone really help me shift my moods and emotions, help me be more confident, see things in a different way?”
The old adage “you can’t teach old dog new tricks” appears to be deeply rooted. To this, I have one word to say. Humbug.
Perhaps the greatest example of personal transformation in literature is Scrooge in Dickens‘ Christmas Carol. He was a miserable old sod locked into his miserable outlook until he was visited by three spirits - Christmas Past, Present and Future.
So what happen? He was taken up and away by Christmas Past to look at how he had become who he was, he was forced to look at his lonely schooling, his absent father, his cold rationality and empty pride. He saw how his heart withered and his mind grew.
He was then shown how he was in the present. He was forced to see how he had cut himself off from everyone; how his obsession with thriftiness and hard work impacted others; how his view of reality led to misery. And he was humbled by the way of others, the generosity, love, playfulness and laughter of those who had nothing.
If this wasn’t enough, he was shown his future. He was shown the grave of Tiny Tim and the unbearable sadness of of Bob Cratchit; he saw his own pitiful funeral and the nothingness that his life had amounted to. He saw the stark reality of his mortality.
The next day, Scooge was a different person; he had had a seriously good coaching session; he had explored how he had come to the see himself and the world, how he was being in the present and where this was leading; he saw that his reality was not reality at all. It was a choice and at that moment, he realized that he had the power to change, before it was too late.
Something PracticalSo how might we check in on how we perceive reality and what is holding us in a certain place. There is a distinction I would like to share that is so obvious and at the same time so overlooked and that is between a fact and an assessment.
A fact is something that is measurable, agreed by certain standards, verifiable for instance “the room is 4 metres by 6 metres”, “10 people got on the bus”; an assessment is a value judgement, a belief, opinion, point of view; “that was the best play in the world”, “London is a risky place”.
What we tend to do is to hold assessments as facts. “I am ugly”, “fat people are lazy”, “I don’t take risks”, “White people cannot be trusted” and as long as we do this, change is not possible because we believe that we are describing reality, a fact and not simply a belief.
Let’s do a one day experiment. If you do this I guarantee that you will be blown away. Consciously from waking to sleeping, journal when hear yourself or others holding an assessment as a fact. i.e. “that guy is smart”, “I am no good at technical things”, “the economy is a disaster”. A tip - if you are wanting to be right or to look good, the likelihood is that you are wanting to establish what you are saying as a fact; i.e. don’t argue, don’t challenge me; I know, you don’t. Now ask yourself - what is the cost of being like this?
Something going onChristmas time is typically a moment when we review our lives and think about what we want to change; the New Year becomes a watershed between what we want to leave behind and what we want to take forward.
If you find all the old voices creeping in like “what’s the point”, “nothing really changed last year”, “change is so tough”, please feel free to give me a call and we can discuss if there is anything that Because It’s there can help you with.
Change is not easy (notice the assessment cloaked as a fact) and I have always wondered what happened to Scrooge after the New Year. Have you?
